She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
