I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
