i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
