i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize