ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize