woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
