noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize