While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
