YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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