it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
