I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
