just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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