I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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