If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize