You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I only lived at night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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