i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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