just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
