A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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