He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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