It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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