arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think your dad took our porno
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
