Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to calm my uterus...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
