i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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