i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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