Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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