Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
