May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
