what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
