i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
