I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize