just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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