So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
