3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
