I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
