am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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