Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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