We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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