It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize