Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
