This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
