This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
