So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
