oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just blew my weed a kiss
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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