I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
