Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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