i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
