She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
