why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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