By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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