About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
