I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
