I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
