Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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