there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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