I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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