It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm eating all of the evidence.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
