Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
