why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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