Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
