I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
