is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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