Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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