my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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