I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
