I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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